I’m currently flying in to Dulles from LAX and I’m writing this entry while 37,000 feet in the air. This is actually being written into a Microsoft Word document and will be copied & pasted after I’m back at home because I really don’t want to pay $13 for the in-flight WI-FI. BUT, I’m taking Virgin American so they provide cool TVs for everyone and I can watch TV shows or movies ($8 each) or even use Google maps to track our flight progress. Nothing good was on TV so my screen is just set to the maps thingy.
We have 1,272 miles to go and we’re going 531 mph. I’M TYPING AT 531 MPH. We’re flying over the Midwest right now and about to hit the “K” in “Kansas.” Typing this entry into a Word document makes me more self-conscious about my capitalization, punctuation, and grammar. I feel like I’m writing a book.
Virgin airlines provides free outlets! What a cool airline… they even have black-lights illuminating their ceiling. Before the flight, I was really worried that my plane wouldn’t be trendy enough for my contemporary lifestyle, but thank goodness. (We slowed down to only 521 mph. I WILL NEVER GET HOME AT THIS RATE.) I think Virgin airlines is kind of trying too hard to be hip. Their safety presentation was actually a video for us plebian peasants sitting in coach (first-class got to watch a real life actor/flight attendant showing them the safety stuff). The video was a hand-drawn animation that featured characters like bullfighters and Vikings riding the airplane and learning about the floatation vests and front/rear exits. The voice-over guy was really sarcastic and nonchalant. He said things like,
“Remember, our seat cushions don’t float so don’t take them home, okay? Like, yah, whatever. Oh and for the 0.01% of the population that has never seen or used a seatbelt before, you gotta put the metal clip into the clasp and tug the loose strap.”
I feel like I’m writing differently now that I’m on an airplane and not writing directly into WordPress. I feel more sarcastic and assertive. Yes? No? I don’t know what’s real anymore.
We are now flying right over the word “Kansas” so it says “plane-sas” now.
The elderly passengers next to me brought their own food, which is understandable because the food served/sold on planes is both undelicious and uncheap. Think for a moment, if you will, about what kind of food you would bring for in-flight eating. You have to first consider the limited space you have. The tray table is the size of a notebook. Then you should consider the other hundred people in the plane, and perhaps presume that most probably have nostrils and may have to smell your food. After these considerations, you may conclude that you should bring something you can eat neatly and simply.
I look over and their menu spread out over two tray tables had:
- Canned tuna
- Crackers
- Vegetable salad
- Fruit salad
- Cheese
- Drinks
The tuna’s ghost swam merrily about the cabin and gently woke even the deepest of sleepers while reminding the passengers who were awake that their noses were working.
Haha it wasn’t that bad actually.
More observations:
The elderly woman in front of me has been staring at her TV home screen for almost the entirety of the flight so far. I think her screen is frozen because it says “Altitude: 0 feet.”
I think the people around me know that I’m writing about them. I think the picture taking gave them the clue haha! I’m gonna stop taking pictures.
There are about 6 people standing up next to me. I can’t figure out why! The flight attendant looks so overwhelmed hahha
Hey, there’s someone watching Thor a few rows ahead of me! I’m going to watch for free and use my memory/imagination to fill in the dialogue. My version of Thor has the new Switchfoot album, Vice Verses, as the soundtrack.
There’s an attendant named Mikey who has been hanging around the tuna-fish-couple for the majority of this flight. Coincidentally, he looks like Michael from Breaking Bad.
The lady next to me pulled out a MacBook Pro and when she saw my telltale white Apple power cord, her eyes lit up and we had a quiet exchange of sure camaraderie that only Mac users experience.
The little girl behind me diagonally is having an incredible time on this flight. I think that she thinks this is the actual vacation part. The look of pure ecstasy on her face as she watches her movie is priceless—she’s so happy that she’s squirming in her seat and shoving her tray table in and out. Mikey the flight attendant just played keep-away with her with a bottle of water and she loved it. HAHA, as I wrote that last sentence, Mikey touched my shoulder and asked if I needed anything. That totally scared the crap out of me. Don’t do that to me, Mikey!
I’ve gone to the lavatory 3 times already. I think the other passengers are worried for me.
Have you noticed that Illinois looks like the profile of a face looking west? I noticed this because the airplane is now in Missouri and about to run into Illinois’ nose.
We’re not at 37,000 feet anymore. We’ve risen to 37,043 feet. Is this pilot crazy? What if we go into outer space and float away? I’m so hungry.
Whoa, old grumpy tuna-fish man just yelled at the little girl behind him for moving the tray in and out… He went, “CAN YOU STOP MOVING THE TRAY, PLEASE?” She totally didn’t deserve that. I should have said something earlier, “CAN YOU PLEASE PICK A STINKIER FOOD TO BRING ONTO THE PLANE, PLEASE?”
I just felt us lose altitude… are we landing in Illinois? I’M ON THE WRONG FLIGHT.
False alarm.
I’m probably going to read through this entry after I get home and reconsider posting it.
I think that they should start making airplanes without seats but rather stacks and stacks of bunk beds on either side of the aisle. I might pay extra for this luxury.







































